Ello :)
So i'd thought i would do something a little different - as i like to keep things interesting on this blog- there's only so many tags i can take! Recently John Newman - who is one of my favourite musical artists- made a comeback with his hit song Fire In Me. Fire in Me struck an empowerment feeling in myself initially and then i looked closer into the lyrics and realised how deep this song can actually be and how it can reflect what i've been through in the past and how i feel i cope now with anxiety etc.
I thought i could analyse Fire In Me in comparison to my past and present - as this may develop a higher understanding for the song out there for you guys and it also helps me to reflect.
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| I won this signed Fire in Me Lyric sheet in a twitter competition! |
Lyrics:
I'm starting with my intuition
i'm starting with my strengths
i'm getting back my old ambitions
and returning one again
This reminds me of how i am now- i aim to gain the thoughts and feelings i had before i was bullied. To go back to being a confident, independent person, who was determined and strong willed before anything happened. I aim to gain back "my old ambitions".
My knuckles are so red and raw
from breaking down these walls
i'm sick of all the others talk
and the laughter of my fall
I used to get so frustrated with my anxiety and i always maintained the fight instead of the flight response - i used to punch walls and then i'd go cry because i was so frustrated with myself and so stressed - i always felt i was going backwards and never going forwards in coping with my anxiety. And these lyrics reflect how i am now as i take the approach in ignoring the hate and abuse if i receive any - i'm sick of it, i'm sick of gossip - all my friends gossip we all do -i do too but if someone gossips to me about how much they hate someone or something i tend to let it fly over my head because it's rumours and gossip that cause the beginning of a downwards spiral for the person on the receiving end and it's not right.
i was a spark in the night but you drown me out
so now i'll take the walls i'm inside and i'll burn them down
This of accurate of how i was before i got bullied and suffered from anxiety - i was a relatively confident, independent person - i wasn't afraid to get my opinions out - but when everything happened i became a shell of the person i was - i was empty - constantly upset and miserable, extremely shy as i was scared i would always be judged. but now i use my anxiety as a strength i take it and combat it - i take these walls i feel trapped in and i always aim to just burn the walls down - and return to the person i was.
(Chorus): Cos i've still got a fire in me
I never want to let it go( x2)
Cos i've still got a fire in me
I've still got this determination, this fire, in me that helps combat when i'm feeling down or when i'm feeling anxious.
I've dealt with all my evils
and i ain't dealing with them twice
they'll never be a sequel
the curtain will never rise
I certainly have dealt with many evils and i don't intend to be in the state i was ever again - yes i have days where i'm upset or i'm stressed - everybody does - but i don't let it defeat me anymore - i'm never going back to the state i was 5/6 years ago where i couldn't cope with even the simplest tasks without crying or feeling incredibly anxious.
Although my body has been aching
i held on to the ropes
i haven't left the ring yet
and i won't be letting go
This reminds me more of my past - although i was in a terrible mess with everything that was going on - i didn't give up - i never let go of the ropes no matter how much i was aching - i still had the determination to get through everything and luckily i did. It also reminds me of how i am now - i'm still very determined to stand up for myself more and to improve my ability to cope with my anxiety. i don't intend on letting it corrupt me - i intend to turn that weakness into a strength.
(Chorus)
I was a spark in the night but you drown me out
so now i'll take the walls i'm inside and i'll burn them down (x2)
(Chorus)
End
If you would like to know my anxiety backstory you can read about it here.
That's it for today!
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