Friday, 19 February 2021

I've moved!

Hey Guys! 

 Long time no see, for those who did read this blog i just wanted to jump on here to say i have moved! 

After a couple of years of working on establishing a brand and route for the blog i want to do, i finally plucked up the courage and bought a website through Wordpress. I have a new name, Miss Perspective, a logo and new website. 

If you liked my content on here please feel free to pop on over to missperspective.com, leave likes, comments and feel free to share with your friends. 

Some of the posts on here you may noticed have been removed, these posts will be updated and adapted and will feature on the new blog eventually! 


Hope to see you there 


S xoxo 

Friday, 31 August 2018

This Is Me

Ello :) 


Back at it again with analysing music. This time it's probably the biggest song of the past year from one of the best movies of the past year - This Is Me from The Greatest Showman. This Is Me is a powerful anthem for anyone who's ever felt left out or different - it tells that you should be proud of who you are and should ignore any hate.




Verse 1: I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are


  • I used to be ashamed of myself, both my physical appearance an my emotional state. People used to call me fat and ugly an that struck home with me because i was always conscious about myself. I still fee self conscious now about my body, particularly my weight and always over analyse why im not conformed to my generation by having a relationship at my age or at least having experienced one, i kept thinking its me and how i am as a person  what i wear, how i act, what i like/dislike.


Pre-Chorus: But I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

  • Nowadays i'm a lot stronger as an individual and i'm not ashamed to be who i am, i don't need to change for anyone, if i want to change than i will change it's my decision. i'm still conscious about my weight but that's for personal reasons, if anyone calls me overweight or fat i just ignore it because i know where i want to be in my life. I know what size i want to be and what makes me feel healthy and happier. I know in myself i'm the person i want to be physically such as personality and interests and i won't let anyone ever sway me into thinking different. 


Chorus: When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh

  • Definitely describes more of who i am now. Some things get to me, i'm not going to lie, some days i'm more fragile and then others, as you may have noticed, but majority of the time i'm confident in who i am and what my goals are in life that when people judge that side of me, i let it side over me. 


Verse 2: Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

  • At this point in my life i'm aiming for the "sun", i don't intend to be barricaded in myself anymore and feel if you embrace yourself as you are then no words can harm you. You need to love yourself before you can love other people, which is the advice i tend to distribute out to my friends. You need to be comfortable in your own skin and with your own personality, not filtering yourself constantly through materials and products and not conforming to society around you when it comes to your appearance. you can't expect people to love you if you don't love yourself.  

Pre Chorus: I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

Chorus: When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me

Bridge: and I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)

Chorus x2:When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I'm gonna send a flood
Gonna drown them out
Oh
This is me



That's it for today!
See you next time!
S xoxo





Wednesday, 15 August 2018

July Favourites

Ello :)

I'm back at it again with my July favourites!



BigJigglyPanda


There's always a Youtuber and this month it's BigJigglyPanda aka Anthony. I find him crude and hilarious and you pretty much always see his face in his videos. He works with the Vanoss crew a lot and has recently surpassed 1 million subscribers, which is thoroughly deserved! I recoomend his channel purely if you want something to cheer you up, his laugh is practically infectious.



Here's some of the videos i recommend to watch:

Skribbl.io

Golf it

Gmod Prop Hunt



Six! The musical





I went see this musical in the middle of July. This is about the six wives of Henry VIII and their stories as such in the form of a concert. The performance itself is quite short lasting about an hour and a half maximum, but its full of good music, glamourous costumes, comedy and fantastic voices. One of the things i like the most about this musical is the fact that all of the band were females as well, it was very much a strong girl power performance. The musical styles varied from queen to queen with R&B to ballads to samba and pop. Its currently on at Edinburgh Fringe and is then being transferred to the Arts theatre in London from the end of August. My favourite song is between Queen Anne of Cleeves' "get down" and Queen Catherine of Aragon's "No Way" It's definitely one to watch!



Everybody's talking about Jamie



This tells the story of schoolboy Jamie and his pursument of becoming a drag queen at age 16, which was inspired by the BBC documentary Jamie: Drag Queen at 16. The musical is hilarious, heart breaking and joyous all at the same time. This coming of age story truely connects you with the characters in the musical, i actually found myself almost crying at the song "Ugly in this Ugly world". The music is catchy and the story is relatable and current. The show can easily be compared to the likes of Billy Elliot and Kinky Boots, but with a fresh new insight. My favourite song from the musical is "The Wall in my head".



Infographics Show


 Another Youtube channel but very different to Panda's. The infographic show is a youtube channel that looks into exploring many different questions that continue to be asked, such as why do people love let's play videos, are you different from the average teen and whether the black plague could ever return? It also delves into bizzarre and surreal serial killers and unsolved mysteries such as disappearing people. The videos themselves are only about 10 minutes so don't go into as much detail as the likes of Buzzfeed Unsolved but are great to watch if you have some minutes free. I personally prefer the serial killer ones just purely based on the fact i also watch the likes of Unsolved and have researched the likes of Jack the Ripper in the past.

Here's a few of my favourites:







That's it for today!
See you next time!
Sxoxo

Friday, 10 August 2018

I'll give you an update

Ello :) 


So some of you may have been wondering why i haven't been posting lately and the truth is i've had little time to do so for a few reasons which i will explain.


1). Friends. 

Yay! my friends are back from uni, which i'm very happy about. I've been spending a lot of time with my friend Emma, who i actually got closer to when she was away at uni and since she's been back we've pretty much seen each other at least once a week. We share similar interests and similar schedules so means at this point in time if i don't have something to do on my day off, usually Emma is there to do something. She also has just joined my Zumba class and we've discussed going to the gym together and possibly running as well to keep our fitness levels up, without going to crazy.

I also recently went away with Lish to London for a few days and once i came back i was in work so had no time that week.

I intend to see more positive influences in my life more often so may not be updating every week as such but will try my very best, which brings me onto my next reason...


2). Mental Health 

My mental health hasn't been brilliant lately, in fact it's been pretty appalling. I've had a massive wobble with my anxiety to the point where i was ready to give up with the world. I'm still not 100% with it, i don't think ill ever be but i took a step back for a little while on social media in terms of browsing Facebook etc and watched more Youtube which made me happier. I also spent a lot of my time away from blogging as said above analysing pretty much all my friendships and whether or not they are a negative impact or positive impact on my mental health and deciding to maybe not see the people who make me feel negative as much if i can or avoiding them completely if i can as it just disrupts my recovery and feel like i'm taking 2 steps back all the time. I aim to surround myself with positive people, who don't argue, who support me, who make me happy and make me feel good about myself.

Blogging does help with my recovery, don't get me wrong and i love blogging as it takes me away from the world, but i found after my post i needed to take a bit of time out to just think about everything and how i want this to go and friendships and lifestyle choices etc.


3). Not being on social media as much

As i haven't massively been involved with social media and going on my phone as much, apart from watching Youtube i've not been going on blogger or reading half of my friend's blogs, sorry guys. I haven't read them as i haven't been on blogger, i still care about them and how they are feeling.


4). Events/social activities

July was quite a busy month with British Summer Time, My few days away and other small social events, such as seeing Six!the musical and joining my Zumba class which is now what my Mondays consist of.


5). Work/Apprenticeship and Home life 

Football season has just started meaning, less time for me unfortunately. So i'm working on average 5/6 days a week with one/two day off so i may get round to doing blogging if all my college work for my apprenticeship is completed. Good news is i finish my apprenticeship in December, to which i intend to spend my free time blogging more, creating some content and taking a journalism course, hopefully.

Another reason is, if you don't already know i now have two kittens to look after called Bucky and Wesley and obviously i still have Angel. It was the right time to give Angel some company but they are little rascals so a lot of my time is spent chasing them haha!


As previously said, i will try to upload a bit more in future and not take as big of breaks as this. I also plan to next year get my office space/dressing room sorted out to add some more structure to my life and hopefully create some Youtube videos and some gaming videos with friends, who have already said they would be happy to participate.

That's it for today! 

See you next time!
S xoxo

Wednesday, 11 July 2018

June Favourites

Ello :) 

Apart from seeing Ed Sheeran, June was a fairly average month with all the excitement coming this month! So without further ado here are my June favourites.

Moo Snuckel

Moo is part of the Vanoss Crew (they are appearing a lot in my favourites posts i've just noticed haha). Although not necessarily the biggest personality in terms of humour and raging, i like watching him his content is much longer than the others. One video of playing Uno on his channel is about 30 mins but others are 15 mins long and find sometimes they actually miss really entertaining content that Moo puts on his video. Also as Moo doesn't rage often it's hilarious when he does, he mainly rages in Golf it and has raged quit quite a few times! mainly due to his friends trolling him!

Here's a few videos to check out!







QuizxTowie


Quiz recently joined up with Towie to promote a new collection added to their stores and i fell in love with the products instantly. for those who know me, you know i'm not the biggest fan of the latest clothing trends with crop tops literally everywhere and playsuits which i cannot wear for the life of me as i'm quite tall. I absolutely adore jumpsuits and always find it hard to find decent ones that i like the colour and style of but in this range i've purchased 3 jumpsuits, 2 of which are in colours i'd normally never be caught dead in as i'm quite a pale person and i'm obsessed with wanting to purchase more of the collection.

Theses are the jumpsuits i have from the range: They are all really pretty and fit perfectly on my body, they are light and airy and easy to get out of, mainly because there are no zips instead its a stretchy material, which is much easier if you want to wear it on a night out.





















Anne Marie


As i mentioned at the start of this post i went to see Ed Sheeran at St James' Park on 10th June. He was absolutely amazing by the way! His opening acts were Jamie Lawson and Anne Marie, i had heard of both of these before and had enjoyed a couple of Anne Marie's songs in the past but after seeing her perform live i've become more inclined to listen to her music. I love her music and her whole vibe. She's very relaxed and natural on stage and she doesn't dress like the Taylor Swifts and the Camilla Cabello's out there; she dresses femininely but with an ultimate tomboy vibe which i adore! My favourite songs from her are Perfect and one of her most recent songs FRIENDS with Marshmello.

I highly reccommend her and advise you to check out her music!





Taskmaster


I've always been a fan of this show but never watched a full series so i suppose i got into it a little late. This latest series of Taskmaster on Dave hosted by Greg Davies and Alex Horne stars Liza Tarbuck, Alice Levine, Tim Vine, Russell Howard and Asim Chaudhry.  Taskmaster is an hilarious gae show with a difference. Greg Davies, the taskmaster, sets a series of stupefying tasks to a group of comedians with Alex Horne assisting as his right hand man, coaxing the hopeful champions to show their creative competitiveness.

My highlights for this series so far are: 

Tim Vine being "manly" in a cardboard box

Russell Howard and Alice Levine with Taskmaster:The Musical

Liza Tarbuck with the Little Man Task 

Removing a £5 note from under a pint


Honourable mentions:

Vanoss animated Team 6



Hot summer  Heffron Drive


Shotgun George Ezra


That's it for today!

See you next time,
S xoxo

Wednesday, 4 July 2018

Unsolved Crime - Lizzie Borden

Ello :)


Recently i've been reading a book called unsolved crimes by Sarah Herman and as i've always showed a keen interest in unsolved mysteries, my love for buzzfeed unsolved spiralled into researching into unsolved crime myself and sharing my opinion. This is going to be a little series on the blog, where i delve into certain unsolved crimes that fascinate me and give my personal opinion upon solving it.

For my first one, I wanted to study the case of the Borden parent's deaths and uncover whether i really think it was Lizzie Borden that committed the crime - or was there more to the case than meets the eye.




"Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And gave her mother forty whacks,
When she saw what she had done,
She gave her father forty one. "



The Crime:


On 4th August 1892, in Massachusetts, USA 70 year old father of 2, Andrew Jackson Borden and his second wife, Abby Durfee Grey Borden were found dead in the Borden household after being brutally murdered with an axe.

On the day of the murders, Mrs Borden was upstairs dusting and Bridget, their live-in maid, had been cleaning the windows as instructed after the whole household have fell ill through a vomiting bug, everyone except Emma - Lizzie's sister- who was out of town. Bridget chatted with the neighbour's maid over the fence, and headed back inside around the time Mr Borden arrived home. Bridget heard Lizzie's laughter upstairs, she later exhausted left Lizzie, who was ironing handkerchiefs in the dining room, while she took a nap upstairs.

Ten minutes later, Bridget was summoned by Lizzie yelling:" Come down...father's dead! Somebody's come in and killed him!"

Mr Borden had been attacked with a small, sharp hatchet, hit at least ten times in the face. A commotion occurred as Bridget informed neighbours and a doctor. That was when Lizzie told her she'd heard her stepmother come home and she was probably upstairs. Bridget, together with a neighbour, went to check and found Mrs Borden lying on the floor of guest room, similarly mutilated. It's believed she was struck 18 times times with the same weapon- however unlike Mr Borden, Abby's body was cold - it was estimated she had died some time before her husband.

The Suspects:

Bridget- the live-in maid: Bridget was napping at the time of these horrific events or at least that has what has been said. Although Bridget has an alibi thanks to Lizzie Borden, it doesn't mean that they couldn't have worked together to plot the killings. It was thought that Mr Borden was a fairly wealthy man meaning that Lizzie would have motive in killing her father - if she cut a deal with the maid to split the money - it is likely they worked together.

Lizzie Borden: Lizzie is the main suspect in this case- the reason why is because she has both motive and timing for the crime. When Bridget went to take a nap upstairs, the only three people awake in the house were Mr and Mrs Borden and Lizzie - meaning she was the prime suspect. Lizzie had motive to kill both of her parents - as they were a wealthy family, money was signed in the will over to the girls when both parents passed away. Another motive Lizzie has for killing her parents is that it is thought that Lizzie's father abused both her and her sister Emma,ad that somehow these memories that were repressed resurfaced - causing her to act out violently. They also believed that Mr Borden remodelled the house to allow him easy access for the abuse of his daughters and enabling the need for Abby to need to go upstairs in order to access her own bedroom.

Lizzie's demeanour is what first attracted the police to her as a suspect. She simply didn't behave in the way you would have expected her too. Officer Harrington noted that:"there was not the least indication of agitation, no sign of sorrow or grief, no lamentation of the heart, no comment on the horror of the crime, and no expression of a wish that the criminal be caught"- although it's possible she didn't kill them and her behaviour is explained by her abusive father that she finds their deaths deserved it is highly likely that she did kill her parents.

The Unknown man: During the inquest Lizzie mentioned a man who had come to the house to do business in the fortnight before her father's death. She said that she overheard the man say how he would like "that store" and that his father refused. She also told police how the conversation they started having became increasingly louder and her father ordered him out. It was identified as both murders where crimes of passion so an argument could have lead to their killings.  

John Vinnicum Morse (Andrew's brother-in- law from his first marriage): Morse had stayed at the Bordens' and had been with Andrew inthe town's business district that morning. However he had a number of witnesses attesting to his whereabouts at the time the crime was committed.



The Conclusion:

In conclusion, although it seems very much like an anti climax i believe Lizzie Borden was the convict of this crime, however i don't think she worked alone. As researched showed, it believed that Lizzie and her sister were victims of child abuse from her father, which would explain Lizzie's demeanour when her father died. She was cleared in court due to the lack of forensic evidence against her, with no blood stained clothes or fingerprints the case remained unsolved. However the sudden burning of one of her dresses and her demeanour towards the police certainly points towards her being the perpartraitor of the crime. I also believe that Bridget the house maid was involved in some way, as both herself and Lizzie ended up having an alibi for the events, if Lizzie cut a deal with the maid seeing that Lizzie should benefit from her parents' departure then the maid could have offered a false story, implying she heard no noises and she was "napping" upstairs.
That's my conclusion anyway, looking at all the evidence and circumstances at the time it is clear that Lizzie, although may not have committed the crime herself was the main instigator of the crime. She has motive, access and opportunity to commit the crime.

Who do you think committed the crime?

That's it for today!

See you next time!
S xoxo

Wednesday, 20 June 2018

May Favourites

Ello :) 

Forgive me for the delay in all these posts you'll see soon, it's been majorly busy recently and it means i've had less time to post. i have about 20 drafts all uncompleted so you'll hopefully get some more posts soon.

Better late than never! Without further ado my May favourites.

Terroriser (thegamingterroriser/Brian)





Once again this is all Georgia's fault! As you have seen from my April Favourites post, i've recently been getting into the Vanoss Crew, which are the likes of I AM WILDCAT, Daith De Nogla, Moo Snuckel, BassicallyIDoWrk, VanossGaming, BigJigglyPanda and Terroriser to name a few. Terroriser aka Brian is an Irish gaming youtuber, he does a range of videos from Mario Kart to Cuphead to Fortnite. I'm not a big fab of fortnite but i can watch Terroriser's videos on them as they are about 10 minutes long and he doesn't post it as often as other youtubers. He's funny, charismatic and is quickly becoming my favourite youtuber! Sorry ThatcherJoe, i still love you!

Here are a few of his best videos to watch:






Daith De Nogla



















Again like Terroriser, Nogla is an Irish gaming Youtuber, who has a very deep and rich Irish accent i have to point out . If you compare his voice to how he looks you will be shocked i certainly was! Again he does a wide range of gaming videos  i particularly love his golf it! videos.

Here are a few to watch:





Voicenotes - Charlie Puth


On the day this album was released, i downloaded the whole album on my phone instantly! I absolutely adore Charlie Puth's music so i could guarantee i would adore his latest album Voicenotes  and i certainly did. I find for a younger artist Puth has a soulful vibe to most of his music, it makes you want to dance and sing and it gets stuck in your head (perfect combination in music)  my favourite tracks on his album are: BOY, Empty Cups and The Way I Am.




Shawn Mendes Album 



I've previously stated numerous times how much i adore Shawn Mendes. I'm seeing him at Sundown festival in September and recently purchased tickets to see him next year in Birmingham  so yeah clearly obsessed! His latest album, which is self titled, takes a more mature route in his music with the likes of In My Blood and Youth ft Khalid having strong, powerful meanings behind them. My favourite tracks on this album are: Mutual, Perfectly Wrong, Particular Taste, Youth and In My Blood. But genuinely i can't find a bad track on his album i love them all.



Numb: Anth Melo ft Conor Maynard 

Anth Melo and Conor Maynard do an awful lot of collabs, everyone was anticipating their first original song and here it is! I can't stop listening to it, it's just fantastic!

Listen to it here! 

Jeff Dunham 



For those who don't know Jeff Dunham is an American Ventriloquist, who has created characters such as Achmed the Dead Terrorist, Peanut, José the Jâlepeno on a stick to name a few. I recently saw his latest tour in Birmingham  and have never laughed so much! His jokes are extremely relatable, the characters are relatable, he's genuinely one of the funniest guys and incorporates every mistake that possibly goes wrong into his act, as if it was meant to happen.

Here's a few best clips:






That's it for Today!
See you next time,
S xoxo

Wednesday, 23 May 2018

If i really need you, would you walk back through that door?

Ello :)


Friends - we all have them, we all can't live without them. But what actually defines a true friend? in my opinion it's loyalty and honesty - a true friend won't stab you in the back, a friend doesn't gossip about you or rat you out to other people- they can keep secrets, they support you in everything, they sacrifice things for you (e.g doing something they don't necessarily like because you like it). This blog post is going to explore what i define as a friend and whether i think i'm a good friend?

There are many quotes surrounding the definition of a true friend, which i'd like to share with you:

Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is.- Jim Morrison

Má tá tú ag lorg cara gan locht, béidh tú gan cara go deo.
(If you're looking for a friend without a fault, you will be without a friend for ever)

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. Luc`ius Annaeus Seneca

Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness. Euripides 


Its hard to define a true friend as everybody has a different opinion as to what that is. To some it's loyalty, how long they've been with someone can affect how they define a friend; to others it is honesty, someone who is completely honest with you, someone who tells you everything that has been said about you because you would want to know, someone to tell you where you are going wrong or if you are heading in the wrong direction.

I've known some friends in my time who are certainly loyal but not all of them completely honest, they've said stuff about me behind my back, i admit i have gossiped in my time about people but i've never said a cruel word about them just stated facts or things that others have said, trying not to give names. And those "friends" i either cut them out of my life or if i can't do that surround myself with the people i refer to as true friends.


Unfortunately it is a natural thing particularly for girls to gossip, it's generational and it's in our nature, it's also extremely difficult to avoid nowadays but the best thing to do is to block out what everyone is saying when it comes to gossip or just plump in with a few yeahs and i get that as no one can twist it on you, you have never said anything negative about them. I tend to disclose myself from gossip of if i do gossip only gossip to those i trust and those who can keep secrets.


I recently found a quiz on psychologies called Are you a good friend? as i wanted to see whether i can consider myself to be one or not. Of course this doesn't undoubtably define if you are a good friend or not because that depends on personal opinion of your friends as to how they define true friendship.

Here are the results: 

You are empathetic

You make friends by being sensitive to the messages others give out so that you can be in tune with their emotions and take into account their point of view. Before you enter into a friendship, you like to ensure the other person is a good listener, since this inspires you with confidence. In such an environment of trust, intimate and emotional relationships thrive. Although your compassion and sensitivity are great when things are going well, they don’t serve you so well when there is conflict. Since you are so emotional, you find it hard to respond to criticism or attacks, especially from people you are close to. You tend to give your time, help or advice without expecting anything in return, which often means your sacrifices are not appreciated. You put other people’s needs ahead of your own, even if that means you suffer. You need to ask why others should take priority over you. In your childhood, did you have to expend a lot of energy to get love back? What criticisms or anger have you buried for fear of rejection? To get back to being the centre of your own world, you could learn how to please yourself (by listing, for example, the things you want to do but don’t allow yourself to) and how to receive gratefully everything from compliments to presents without necessarily being the first person to give something back.
For me, these results are highly accurate as stated previously in my Dear Future Self blog, i find i make a lot of sacrifices for other people meaning a lot of the time i suffer. Most of the time i have to ask my family to do the things i would rather do because some of my friends won't do it. They know me very well, they know what i like/dislike however that doesn't necessarily mean they will do things i would like to do.  As i have a large friendship group it can become difficult to do something that a couple of people want to do when no one else in the group wants to do it. If there is something i would like to do i tend to ask those who i know express similar interests or are more likely to go with me first and so far this year it has been working. As i have friends i have gained from work as well i hang out with them more, but i don't neglect the group i began with. I do spend a lot of time giving friends advice, support and comfort and genuinely i don't expect anything in return because it's the person i am, i don't want to see people upset and am very much a motherly figure to most of my friendship groups. I don't take criticism well from those close to me but it is mainly because i'm very sensitive and with previous events still quite fragile but i aim to make my skin a little thicker so i can take criticism. 
Upon improving myself as a friend, i think i need to be a little more selfish because i do feel left out at times as i conform to the group and it's not necessarily something i would like to do but because i want to see them i do it, by being a little bit more selfish i think my happiness would improve as i'll be doing things i like to do as well with the people i love. I also think i should thicken my skin and take on conflict and criticism a bit better as it's improvements it's not insults so i shouldn't take them on board as if they are. 
For those who know me, would you define me as a good friend?
And for those who don't, do you define yourself as a good friend? What do you think makes a good friend? And if you take the quiz, what were your results? Comment Below, i'd love to see your opinions.

Feel welcome to comment on any of my posts not just this one, i only ask for no hate comments, improvements are welcome. 

That's it for today! 


See you next time,
S xoxo



Wednesday, 16 May 2018

It isn't my Blood!



Ello:) 




Following on from my analysis of john Newman's Fire In Me - which was more successful than i thought it would be- i'm going to analyse yet another powerful, deep in meaning song of the past year or so. If you haven't guessed it already from the title - i'll be analysing Shawn Mendes' In My Blood. 

Shawn Mendes described this song as "the closest song to my heart that I’ve ever written" - based on his own personal experiences with anxiety and the pressures of fame - Mendes provides the world with a powerful song that describes everyone once in a while - an anthem for those who struggle with anxiety or other mental health issues - safe to say this is Mendes' most successful song to date. 

Once again like my previous music analysis - i will be analysing these lyrics based on thoughts and feelings of myself from both the past and present. I'm doing this series to showcase how meaningful some of modern day music can be and how relatable it is to everyone. Music is a powerful tool that can change your moods with a simple beat. it's something that some people do take for granted and listen to the beat rather than search into the lyrics. 




1/2 Chorus: Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood

During the worst times of my anxiety, i felt so hopeless that i wanted to give up but i knew i couldn't give up, what would it achieve for me? nothing. There's a lot of strength in weakness and vice versa, the amount of times i cried and wanted to end it all showed me i was stronger than i thought. 

Verse 1: Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly
Just have a drink and you'll feel better
Just take her home and you'll feel better
Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?

Although i never turned to antidepressants or medicine as such. I used to take an awful lot of rescue remedy, which actually never helped my anxiety. Luckily with my mental state i've never turned to alcohol or drugs but i know a lot of people who have  its a coping mechanism for some people but its mainly a false one. A lot of people who turn to it think it will make them feel better and it does for a short while but in the long time it's just a distraction from their real feelings. in terms of the last two lines: "keep telling me that it gets better does it ever?", i've heard the phrase don't worry it will get better and yeah it does a little, it can become more managable but for some there is no light at the tunnel and although they may seem better on the outside the "walls are caving in" on them. It doesn't ever really get better but it does become more managable. 
  
Chorus: Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I'm crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood
It isn't in my blood

This cry for help is what everyone cries for. The amount of times when i was at my worst i cried for help, but it is difficult because especially for me they don't really understand. Its not "just a bad day" it's everyday, anxiety effects me everyday recently i've been really down- honestly have no idea why really i surround myself with good people but my thoughts just kept bringing me down. the thought of failure kept playing on my mind - and i'm still a little bit in that headspace right now. "Medicine" isn't strong enough to combat anxiety/depression its a short term basis. counseling can help with mental health but again that's mainly short term. Anxiety/ depression is incurable but it can be manageble. The only way we can do this is to not give up no matter whether the "walls are caving in" - you can't give up- the only person to help combat your thoughts and feelings is you. 

Verse 2: Looking through my phone again feeling anxious
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this
I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh
Is there somebody who could...

Social media is a big trigger for lots of people including me for anxiety and depression because social media is very much used for broadcasting yourself and people become jealous of you doing stuff and how you look and that leads them to have a negative impression of themselves. Yes you could decide not to be on social media at all but it will still be there in magazines, books, posters - anything can help trigger your negative thoughts. I felt very alone when my bullying first happened as the school secluded me from my classrooms as the bullies were in them, they were also friends with my friendship group so i had no one to hangout with  i felt as if i was in the wrong, i was the bully. if i do have a anxiety flare up as such i feel very alone in the world, i tend to cut off from the world and go into my own bubble. 

"Trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe"  is how i felt everyday in sixth form and how i feel a lot of the time. It's fair enough telling someone they need to chill/relax but it's more difficult than people think, there are thousands of thoughts and jobs to do in my head everyday i don't know what the word "relax" means truely. I've tried everything to try and relax and it's close to impossible, but i've found blogging helps relax me a little as i enjoy doing it, dance/sport helps as well as it gets a lot of stress and anxiety let out. But if things get on top of me or i have a bad day it can lead to me not being able to breathe, it leads to a panic attack. Panic attacks can be triggered by the smallest thing, if something has been moved on a to do list of mine because something else has priorities i can have a panic attack. 

Chorus

Bridge: I need somebody now
I need somebody now
Someone to help me out
I need somebody now

This is a cry for help. A cry we've all cried out for at some stage in our lives. I remember my first cry for help, i had a panic attack and was sent home from school in year 12-i turned to my mum sobbing my eyes out shouting how much i needed some help, i couldn't take it and i knew in my head my thoughts were becoming darker and suicidal, i didn't want my head to control me like that so i screamed for help. We then together approached about couselling and other mechanisms to cope, which helped for a short time and then i found a way to cope on my own- blogging was a big factor of my coping mechanism, it helps me to talk about it. 

1/2 Chorus

It isn't in my blood
It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn't in my blood

Again if you would like to read about my anxiety backstory you can read it here.

You can also see my analysing of John Newman's Fire in Me here.



That's it for today!

See you next time,

S xoxo